Snow White and the Bore

It is no secret that I enjoy Hollywood movies. I am not ashamed of that fact. I enjoy the visual aids, the romantic story lines and the handsome actors. This movie, Snow White and the Huntsman, seemed to provide all that I need from a Hollywood movie. Unable to convince my husband to see it (who, surprisingly, turned out to be a lot more perceptive than me), I went to see it alone. I know. Going to the movies alone is a not a feat for everyone, but it doesn’t bother me much. Anyway. I thought I would enjoy it so much. Maybe that’s why I was disappointed.

The funny thing that happened to me while watching the movie is that I realized that I haven’t at all thought of the storyline of the traditional fairytale. When the seven dwarves showed up, they meant nothing. I didn’t connect it to the seven dwarves of Snow White. I even vaguely thought about why they were such a big part of the movie. Also when the bit with the disguised queen/witch and the apple started (I would warn about the spoiler, but, duh, it is Snow White), and Snow White was handed the apple and actually ate it, I was actually surprised to see her faint. Then I remembered the storyline and went: “Oh, someone’s going to kiss her now!” So I guess it’s been a while since I saw anything about the Snow White. Even watching the trailer a thousand times didn’t make me think of the plot. That’s just plain weird. I also have to point out that the plot is quite loyal to the storyline, so it’s not like it was so different that I actually forgot I was watching Snow White. Everything is there: the evil queen/witch, the pure Snow White, the mirror. Of course they tweaked the concept of the huntsman a little bit, but that was due.

The thing that bothered me was not that this turned out to be a medieval war movie toward the end. It’s not even because, obviously, the queen is, in fact, fairer than the Snow White, which seems to be the general opinion as well (I can’t stop myself from making this joke: maybe the mirror saw Twilight and that’s why she thought Snow White was prettier. I know. I am hilarious). It has a lot to do with what I expected, and how the movie progressed. It started out well enough, and Charlize Theron as the evil queen is quite amazing. Her mother apparently told her that men will always use her, and her beauty is the only way she will succeed in this world, and casts a spell on her. That spell can only be broken by the blood of the pure. So she spends decades taking over kingdoms and consuming the beautiful. Kirsten Stewart is Snow White, and she spends a decade while the queen prospers outside. Then she escapes, and the Huntsman, aka Chris Hemsworth, is forced to fetch her. Having no love for the queen himself, he decides to help her instead.

Now, for those who didn’t watch the movie, I think I know what they would be expecting at this point: The huntsman sees how pretty she is, and while helping her through the wild terrain of the countryside, they fall in love. Or even another plot: He is very reluctant to help her, but she dazzles him with her goodness. So they argue all the time, and bicker, and after the bit with the apple, he realizes he’s in love with her. At least that’s what I expected. But what I got? A love triangle, to start. I mean, a love triangle may be nice in some story lines, like the Hunger Games for example, but Snow White? Really? And not even a very good love triangle. A poorly constructed one. I don’t even want to talk about the lack of affection between the characters, or even the lack of actual conversation. It just doesn’t work. Believe me, it wasn’t because I was so amazed by Twilight that I thought Edward Cullen would step through magically and sweep Bella off her feet either. In a contest between Chris Hemsworth and Robert Pattinson, I’d always support the former.

All in all, I advise by not being fooled by the amazing trailer. I give this movie 3 stars. I am being generous here, because of the beautiful actors and the fact that it started out fine. But other than that, I would go see it only if there’s nothing better, or if you really, really want to see another Chris Hemsworth movie. Remember though: this is not his fairest moment. I would stick to Thor.

The IMDB site

The Trailer

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